My first murder was tricky, but after that the more I did the easier it became.
She was an elderly spinster who went in the woods looking for rare orchids and got more than she bargained for. I followed her back to her cosy cottage in a beautiful English village. Then, while she was on the telephone, I took off my neck tie (I always dress smartly, even in the heat of mid-summer), wrapped it several times around my hands and before she had time to scream she was dead on the carpet.
I had a talent for murder because the next week I was at it again. Another cottage, another pretty village. I used a candlestick this time, bashed the bloke on the head in his own home. He didn’t look a pretty picture because it was done in a bit of a frenzy.
I don’t go in for ordinary murders: not like the TV cop shows where there are guns and gangs of hoodlums. I never stray too far from my home in the English Cotswolds, it’s lovely countryside and the people are so quaint. I do like a country fair or village fete and you always know I’ll leave a corpse or two behind.
You’ll be surprised how easy it is to find victims: they are the last people you’d expect. Can you be sure the next one won’t be you?
Only joking: I have to stop now; I have to start on next week’s TV script.
Words: Richard Rooney
Illustration: A.I.
Flash Fiction 250
Flash Fiction 250 