Rt. Hon. Earl of Grantham
My Lord,
I should like to introduce to you Count Dracula, a Transylvanian nobleman who recently landed in England by way of Whitby. He is in this country to purchase vast amounts of real estate. He has an appreciation for ancient architecture and might find Downton Abbey amusing.
The Count possesses great wealth and in his homeland he has a splendid castle and keeps many servants and protectors.
Count Dracula will be little trouble as a houseguest, preferring to take his meals alone and at night. A word of caution: when he dined with me he informed me he was especially averse to garlic.
Although he prefers not to wear decorations such as crucifixes and is quiet about his religious beliefs, Count Dracula is a Christian gentleman and frequently visits churchyards.
Were you to be holding sporting gatherings during his visit please be aware that he can command animals of all kinds, including foxes and dogs. Were you to engage your guests in competitive activities at Downton you might find the Count rather a find; he possesses superhuman agility and is able to climb vertical surfaces upside down in a reptilian manner.
Please do not be dismayed by his strong Eastern European accent as his spoken English is excellent, though strangely toned.
I understand that you are concerned that visitors to Downton might not appreciate the inclement weather in the region, but be reassured the Count is himself rather averse to sunshine.
I remain etc.
Words: Richard Rooney
Illustration: A.I.
Flash Fiction 250
Flash Fiction 250 