There is nothing like a fish and chip butty when you’re feeling blue. You need to make sure that the fish is still in its batter otherwise it doesn’t work.
Get some kitchen towels and wrap the fish in it until all the fat is absorbed. Otherwise the fat will make the bread soggy.
They don’t do Mothers’ Pride anymore but if they did, that’s the kind of bread you want. White, solid and tastes a bit like sawdust.
Then the chips. Take the chips, big, fat and juicy and … oh, I forgot, first you have to butter the bread. When I say “butter”, I mean fat … margarine’s fine, but dripping is better.
So, a thick layer of dripping. Put the chips on one slice, then pile on bits of fish on top. Then put the other slice on. Press firmly together. If some spurts out the edges scoop it up and put it back inside the bread.
Then stuff your face with it. To add to the experience, get a can of warm cola. Not Coke or Pepsi, but Lidl’s Essential range. The one that costs 10p or something.
Pull the ring. Glug from the can. It’s best to take a swig and before you swallow it take a bite of the sandwich, then let the two swill around your mouth.
It’s a great experience, but one best enjoyed alone as there is danger of splutter. It’s not done to chuck up all over your dinner companion.
Words: Richard Rooney
Illustration: A.I.
Flash Fiction 250
Flash Fiction 250 