You can learn a lot about poisoning from Agatha Christie (said my new friend Roland). If you read her books, you can find all kinds of delightful ways to pop off somebody you don’t like.
I have often thought about poisoning people (Roland continued) and I could certainly use Agatha’s books as a how-to guide. She was once a nurse, you know, so she knew what she was talking about. She used strychnine a lot, because it can be found in the natural world. Apparently. So is cyanide now I come to think about it. Then, there’s arsenic. Do you get my drift? Poisons are all around us and if they’re good enough for Miss Christie then they’re quite good enough for me.
She also used food a lot. There was this one novel where it was in the custard. Then there was marmalade. Morphine in the fishpaste sandwiches was another. And my best advice is to steer clear of her wine at all times. Do you remember, there was the special tea that saw another person off. You need proper tea, of course, not the supermarket rubbish that comes in bags. Could you imagine Miss Marple or the French detective drinking Aldi Essentials.
Roland exited the room and busied himself in the kitchen for many minutes. When at last he returned carrying a tray containing a pot of tea and slices of toast and jam, I suddenly remembered an urgent appointment and rushed to catch the 4.50 from Paddington.
Words: Richard Rooney
Illustration: A.I.
Flash Fiction 250
Flash Fiction 250 